


Sirius Black's Guide To The Apocalypse

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Marauders' Era, POC James, POV First Person, Sirius PoV, Slow Build, Zombie Apocalypse, but ill warn you so you can skip it if you want to, for most/ all relationships, like extremely slow build, this should be extremely long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:49:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as accepting his inevitable death goes Sirius Black thinks he's doing a pretty mediocre job at it. In a world where the dead rise up to eat the living and the living are resorted to their basic animal instincts you would think a man would be far more prepared to let it all end. But when strange faces find their way into the picture he may just learn there are more reasons to staying alive than just the sole purpose of 'surviving'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Canned Peas And Fears

The accepting of one’s inevitable death is something only few lucky people can truly do. Some claim they have, others understand it’s coming and believe they can handle it when the time comes, but in all honesty everybody is lying if they say they are completely unafraid of those last days, though we don’t know exactly when they are. I wish I could say I am ready to take it on. I want to believe that when it happens I can accept it and everything, if anything, that comes after. I know it’s an understandable thing to fear, I really do, but I hate the fact that even after everything, all of the things that should scare me, I still count dying as the highest.  
Being alone I can deal with, losing others should be the top, starving should most definitely be up there, yet I still feel panic rise up in me every time I think how close to my fate I really could be. It’s selfish in my opinion, being more afraid of losing myself than other people. Though I guess it’s human nature. I think we all want to believe that when in need we can be the ones to throw away our own selves for the good of others but how many of us can say that without a doubt in our minds? That may be what scares me the most, not necessarily death itself but rather just how afraid of it I really am.

If I am being honest I wouldn’t say that I was completely surprised. Of all the things that could occur in my lifetime, sure this was a shock. It had to happen at some point, I suppose, but the fact I had a front row seat to it was a whole other thing. I knew the world would one day crumble and dry up. The Sun would explode and the skies would fall down. We all knew that from our beginnings, whether we chose to accept it or not is another thing.  
The thing is I don’t think any of us expected it to happen so soon. Those Bible thumpers always screaming about Armageddon are nowhere to be seen now. The survivalists always preparing for the apocalypse are gone. All of those people ran around spouting about the world’s end yet when it came they were just as shocked as the rest of us. It still seems so unreal. Actually the longer it goes on, the more it feels like a bad dream. Some days, when I wake, before I open my eyes I pray to any gods watching that this will be the day I snap back to reality, that when I open my eyes I will see a room I once knew or a familiar face. Everyday I pray this and everyday I open them to see the same place I drifted off the night before.

Generally speaking I don’t know what I’m doing. ‘I’m surviving’ I tell myself only to question for what. Being all alone in a world trying to kill you really should be the last straw to wanting it all over, I understand that, yet I still do everything in my grasp to stay here, to stay fighting. Perhaps it’s to prove to myself I can, or maybe I have a small bit of hope the world will turn back one day and I’ll be saved from this Hell. I don’t know, and honestly I’ve learned it best not to divulge. Keeping your mind on a one way track, only necessities are to be thought about. I’ve taught myself it’s the best way to stay alive, even if that’s just another day.  
The past hurts, it’s a big bleeding tear across your chest sewn together loosely by threads of unfeelingness, not to be torn open. A wound can kill even if it’s only emotional. That may be the hardest part of being alone nowadays, there is no distraction, nobody slapping your hand away from tugging at the thread, pulling it looser. I try my best to leave my hands at my side, my actions in my brain, but I do catch myself when it gets far too quiet, the numbing kind of quiet that makes you lose yourself. I catch myself letting that wound open, seeing the faces still fresh in my mind, the voices ringing in my ears.

It’s a strange thing but I do tend to see how beautiful some things have become, things I was too caught up in my own life before to notice. The flowers growing free, no one to trim them down, the stars shine brighter, no competition with man made lights, and the Moon is forever the same, always showing up almost as if the world was no different.  
I suppose the way the world works didn’t entirely change, something was always out to kill something else, we’ve just never been on the preyed upon side. I guess it was our time, we kept holding ourselves mighty over other creatures and we eventually got put in our place. It isn’t entirely surprising really. I guess it’s like those kings who would tirant over their people, treat them like dirt, but when the people uprise and kill him with his last breath he questions why. We seem to be the same, we destroyed the Earth, played God, and inevitably Earth took us down.

~

It’s strange, I used to hate peas. I would glare at anybody who dared to give me them, refusing to eat them. Now I almost lost an arm getting into a store only to find a can of the things. I guess you could call it karma, if you’re into that. I took advantage of what I had, I know that now.

I slide my bag off of my shoulders quietly as to not draw attention to my location. There’s more out there than usual, I think to myself. The shadows of sluggish bodies snake past the boarded windows of the store I’m currently in. One bumps the side of the building causing me to jump, almost dropping the can in my hands. I shake my head at my own skittishness, glad nobody was there to witness it. Putting the peas in my bag along side the rest of the food I’ve collected from the shelves, not much at that.  
I hear the scraping crunches of the monsters’ feet against the trash littered ground, and the muffled groans as I swing my bag back on my shoulders, wincing as the strap presses the new wound branded there left from my close encounter of getting through the back door. Two biters were lingering as I squeezed through, sensing my presence they started towards me causing my body to pull back in an attempt to create distance. I ended up catching my clothed shoulder, a small gash my reward for panicking. I managed to find a small bottle of alcohol and clean it up but I silently curse myself. _That was my swinging arm_ , I repeatedly remind myself of my carelessness.  
The shuffles outside start to get more frequent, they’ll figure out i’m in here if I stay much longer. Another thing I’ve learned is not to stay in one place too long. All it takes is one to find you and pretty soon you're out there with them, dead to the world, snapping your teeth at anything with a pulse. Or better yet people find out where you stay. One morning you’re out taking a dump like always, the next someone's got a knife lodged in your throat. It’s strange when you’re more afraid of other people finding you than the creatures whose sole purpose is to kill you.  
Careful not to cause noise I make my way back to the door I came from. I bend down slightly to a waist- level window and pull back the shabby hemp sack that was blocking the view out. I sweep my eyes around as far as the small scope would let me, seeing only a few creatures drifting around near the sides I de-sheath my knife from it’s place on my belt. Holding it in a way I could easily defend myself I slowly nudge the door open, remembering the creaks it made on my way in. When the heavy door is breached far enough I slip out into the sunlight, shaded from the building. A few of the monsters turn their decaying faces towards me but are far too slow to get near enough for me to need to take them out, though their rotten jaws snap excitedly in my direction. My feet begin moving towards the dried up woods in front of me. My mind begins drifting, thoughts of the impending season change finding it’s way in. Winter when I had a roof to sleep under was harsh here and I doubt being out at all times, with only a torn flannel shirt and a thin military jacket stuffed in my bag is going to keep my ass alive. A new target in place, _warm cloths and some type of shelter_ , I repeat over in my head so as not to forget. Though forgetting those two things are near to impossible now. It seems to be all I think about, I inquire as I break through the forested area into a prairie- like field. There’s not much else to think about, if anybody would have told me just how boring the end of the world would be I’d think they’d gotten their priorities very mixed up.

~

Something I always wonder is when killing walkers become so normal to me. When did they stop being such a brain wracking thing to take care of? I still remember the first one I took out, before they all blended together, before I stopped paying them any mind. It was only a few days after all hell broke loose. She was the first one I'd seen up close. I remember the smell, the rotting putrid smell that seemed to be engulfing me. Her long straggly black hair tangling in her cracked finger grabbing at my exposed skin, I fell to the ground under her weight. Her broken yellow teeth inching closer to my neck. I remember being surprised at how much strength she had, that I couldn't throw her off. I was too afraid to kill her, I still thought of them as the people they used to be. Maybe that's what I wanted to believe at least, that it was all going to end in a few days and the infected would just come out of it and go back to their regular lives. Then she turned to me, her eyes locked on mine as we struggled. I saw no soul, just blankness. The depth of her being was gone, she was just a shell.  
My hand had scrambled for the nearest object, a shoe, one of those incredibly high heeled ones. My hand wrapped around it and I brought my arm swinging to her skull, the heel of the shoe squelched into the soft rotted flesh and she dropped, hanging limp from where I had my hand wrapped around her neck. I had vomited after, my actions sinking in causing me to wretch violently.  
It seems strange for me now, to think how innocent I was in all of this. I was just another lost man, like all the rest, trying to learn how to survive. Little did I know at the time that only four months later I wouldn't think twice over putting one down.  
I guess it's a good thing. I learned the ways I needed. I guess I'm alright with that, but it does catch up with you. Sure you tell yourself that you do what you do to survive, but eventually you stop and think about how heartless it seems, how cold you've become.  
Sure the boy four months ago, puking over his first walker wouldn't make it in this world today. But I'm left wondering which way is better, being dead or being dead to the world.

 

~

 

Long golden grass whips at my sides as I sprint through the open field toward the rest of the U shaped forest a few yards ahead. The rustling of grass near my left side causes me to push faster. I hear a deep gurgling sound and turn my head back to the area it came from.  
My feet stumble over something, my head searching the area behind me. Right as I conclude the biter wasn't there I turn my head forward in time to see a lanky body. Before I can stop myself I slam into him.  
My face hits his bony chest and I fall back with a smack onto the hard ground. He follows my lead and tumbles over, crawling on top of me. I reach my hand to the knife by my side where it fell from my grasp. My hand squeezes over the wrong end and I wince. I can feel warm blood dripping down my wrist but I don't stop to think as I connect the blade into the beast above me. He falls limp on top of me, the struggling weight gone. I sigh and roll the rotted body off of me.  
I've found it best to keep all fear and doubts in the back of my mind until the danger is gone. I figure when you're in the middle of a life or death situation you need to act like you're sure you'll make it out. No ‘I'm going to die’ or ‘this is it’ s just a way to get out of it and a plan to stay out of it after.  
I pull myself up, my legs slightly shaky with adrenaline and begin walking, keeping my eyes forward this time.  
The guttural moan I heard earlier sounds out again, closer to me this time. With little distance between me and it I leap forward just before the biter comes plowing through the overgrown grass. I jump towards him, grasping him around the thin neck just barely missing his snapping jaw. I pull my knife up with my good hand and bring it down on his scalp. Blood began to pool, thick and chunky, and run down his sallow face. He must have just turned a few days ago, he didn't look as rotted as some of the others you come across.  
I look over to the first one, coming to the same conclusion. They both looked freshly dead.  
I step over the skinny body in the direction of the woods. Deciding to get my ass out of there in case someone heard my struggle.  
Turning my gaze forward again I begin walking. Only a few paces forward I pull back a long bunch of grass only to find myself at the mercy of a gun. One pointed directly between my eyes. _Shit_ , I think. **_Shit._**


	2. Of Kidney Hats and Strange Faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title for this chapter: A Great Example Of How Sirius (me) Is Terrible At Writing dialogue  
> Enjoy!

In retrospect I shouldn't have been so cocky about my ability to survive in the apocalypse. One minute I think I'm king of the world the next I'm looking down the barrel of a gun. That seems to be how things happen now though. You think you're doing fine and everything is going decent and you might make it through. Then you find yourself kissing the big man’s feet just to stay on the planet a bit longer.  
I suppose I had my head in the clouds thinking I would never run into another person. I always worried about walkers being my end I never truly thought it would come from another human.

Whenever I thought about killing a person I always said I could do it if necessary. Now that I really think about it I realize that may have just been wishful thinking. It seems like such a life altering thing. Some people can do it without even thinking, pull the trigger and never worry again about it. But I don’t know if I could ever get over it. I think of it as a lot more than ending someone’s life, it’s ending someone's story. Everything they once where, everything they’ve gone through and accomplished, all their hopes and dreams. All of those things ending at my hands.  
I guess if I needed to I would be able to do it, to kill a person, but I don’t think I would ever be the same after. Maybe that’s why I’m so apprehensive. If I go too far, if I let this world drag me down to someone I don’t recognize, I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to come back from that. I’ll turn cold and heartless, just another machine only equipped to survive. That thought scares me more than most.

The gun lowers slightly, enough for me to look into the face of the man holding it. A boy, not much older than me, if at all, eyes wide is staring back at me. His dark hair looks as if it hasn’t been combed in weeks and maybe it hasn’t. His eyes a deep brown, glinting in the sunlight of midday behind large rimmed glasses. His cloths look worse for wear but I suppose mine look about the same. He looks as if he doesn’t know what to do now that he has me at his mercy, eyes bulging, hand shaking.  
He slowly lowers his arm farther and motions for me to walk further into the small clearing where he’s standing. I step slowly, never taking my eyes off his. Once I’m where he wants me he speaks, voice shaky with nerves.  
“Um, I heard you…” He says, motioning to the dead walkers on the ground. “I was just… are you alright?”  
“M’fine,” I say gruffly wondering why he doesn’t just shoot me and get it over with.  
As though reading my thoughts he responds quickly.  
“I’m not going to kill you, don’t worry,” _Yeah don’t worry, I just have a gun pointed at me by a stranger. But yeah no I shouldn’t worry,_  I think sarcastically. I nod my head so he knows I understood him. “Uh okay well I’m James-” he starts but I cut him off.  
“If you don’t want me dead maybe we should start moving before we end up like those two” I say, waving my hand in the direction of the dead walkers.  
“Oh… okay yeah,” James says, taken aback at my brashness. “We should go that way then, I have a place we can stay.” _Great_ I think as he starts moving in the direction of the woods. I briefly think about running, getting far away from him but I shoot that down as the only generally safe place in the area is the one we’re now entering. I take a short look back to the grassy plain, hoping I’m making the right decision. I turn back to the man who was a few steps ahead of me now, catching up with a faster pace I land next to his side. Today might be the day I learn if I’m cut out to be a killer, I think.

~

 

We only walk a few minutes before James speaks again, breaking the tense silence.  
“You can talk to me you know?” James looks over at me, eyebrow raised. “Seriously talk. I'm gonna go insane-”  
“Why should I talk to you?” I cut him off. Not bothering to keep the accusation out of my voice I continue, “You don't even know me, how do you know I'm not some psycho who wants to wear one of your kidneys as hat? And I sure as hell don't know you. How do I know you're not going to off me as soon as we get to your place, wherever that is?” I say sharply.  
“Well, if I was going to kill you, you'd be dead. In case you forgot a few minutes ago I could have shot you right then. But I didn't and I'm not going to.” James replied matter of factly.  
I roll my eyes subtly “Okay, fine so how do I know you're not just saving me to bring me back to your camp full of cannibals and you're all going to have a right Thanksgiving feast with my innards?” I question. James gives me a strange look and answers.  
“Cause I don't have a group,”  
“Really, that's the part you choose to correct me on?” I say, rolling my eyes and not bothering to hide it this time.  
“I don't have a camp to bring you back to and even if I did they wouldn't be cannibals,” he says, a grin pulling at his lips, “I don't think I'd fit in. I mean you seem great and all but I'd prefer your insides stay inside,”  
“You and me both,” I snort out as I reply. We push on, nothing but fallen leaves crunching under our feet to make noise. _This guy seems alright. Yeah but don't trust him yet, you never know._ I converse in my head until I come up with decent questions to find out more about this guy.  
“So you said you don't have a camp. Where do you live?” I try to say like I couldn't give less of a shit. James’ head snaps up towards me, apparently shocked out of his stupor.  
“Wha-? Oh… Well I found this old clock tower thingy and I've just been there for a bit,” He answers, “It seems safe enough for now but we should probably move on in a day or two,”  
“We?” I question, “So now we’re a team or something just because you didn’t kill me?”  
“No I just meant…” He breaths a sigh and stops suddenly, turning to me he continues,”Look okay, I get it I don’t know shit about you. I know you don’t know me and you can’t trust me, I get that,”  
“Glad we’re on the same page,” I interrupt again. He closes his eyes, looking as if he’s trying to find the best way to respond.  
“I just....I’ve been alone for, well since the beginning and I guess you seem like a decent person and I don’t know maybe all this shit won’t be as hard if I have someone with me.” He says, a bit of emotion behind his words. I soften my defense slightly. Goddammit.  
“Fuck… fine where is this clock tower thing,” I say, trying to hold back a smirk at the way his eyes light up.  
“It’s just a few more miles,” He says, turning to walk again.  
“So what about you?” He asks a few seconds into the silence. I give him a look telling him to go on and he does. “Have you been alone since the start too?” My eyes drift to the leaves brushing by my feet at the question. “Oh shit sorry! I didn’t mean to-” He says quickly, realizing the weight his question brought on me,”You don’t have to answer that,” He says apologetically. After a few awkward minutes go by I speak.  
“No,” I answer his previous question. James must have moved on where I hadn’t and gives me a confused look. I sigh, filling him in in a way that says not to push the subject. “No, I haven’t been alone since the start,” James thankfully takes my hint and leaves it at a knowing nod of his head.  
“We’re almost there, I think,” He says just as we reach some sort of path leading to a tall building. The path we start down is relatively hidden in the brush and trees, I probably wouldn't have found it alone.  
“How did you find this place?” I question the taller boy as we reach the boarded up wooden doors. James replies as he begins pulling on the edge of one of the rotted pieces of wood holding the door closed.  
“I was running from a biter a few days ago and sort of ran into this,” He answers. I raise an eyebrow at his reply, “Not like literally!” He says quickly, picking up on the double innuendo, “I… I didn’t like run into it,” He says with an embarrassed smile, motioning with his hands to the wall in front of us. I let a genuine smile play on my lips for the first time in what seems like forever at his awkwardness.  
When he finally gets the door open a musty dense smell hits us like walking into a cloud of mold. When we're both inside James turns back to the door we just came through, picking up a hammer he nails it closed loosely. I take a look around the dark room. The few windows seem to be cracked under the boards that cover them, the room is small but open. A mist of dust seems to be floating around the area causing a hazy look. There is a thin wooden door across from the one we just entered, it doesn’t look barricaded and with closer inspection it appears to be open though I have no plans of seeing what lies beyond.  
“It’s a staircase,” I whip around to where James is now watching me from. He continues, “It leads up to the top of the tower, it has a great view but it’s pretty high up, if you’re not into that then…”  
“Stay down here?” I question, looking around at the unsafe state of things. James looks at me sheepishly.  
“Yeah it’s not great I know. We should probably move soon, like I said-”  
“Like tomorrow.” I finish his sentence in my own way. I look back to him as I hear him let out a breathy chuckle.  
“You do that a lot you know?” I give him a look that shows I have zero idea what he’s referring to and he continues, “Cut me off.” He fills me in. I scoff slightly.  
“Sorry,” I reply sarcastically. “I left my manners back in the normal world,” He pulls his bag off his shoulders and motions for me to do the same.  
“You know, I never got your name,” He states suddenly as I set my bag down near his.  
“I never gave it to you,” I reply. I know I’m being a shit but that thought doesn’t bother me too much. He sighs and gives me a look that says ‘stop being an asshole and tell me’. I decide to let my guard down, possibly a stupid decision but I guess this guy seems okay and if I’m being honest it’s kind of nice speaking to someone other than myself. With a small sigh I answer, “It’s Sirius,” He gives me a strange look.  
“Okay… but you can tell me,” I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion as he continues, “It’s only your name like I’m sure everybody you’ve met knows it.” _What the hell is this guy talking about?_ “Why’s it so serious to you?” He continues and I dramatically roll my eyes, finally getting what he meant. I sigh heavily and correct him.  
“No, that’s my name. It’s Sirius,” He still looks thoroughly confused so I continue,”My name is Sirius, S-I-R-I-U-S, not serious,” I say, not bothering keeping the annoyance out of my words as I’ve had to deal with this same conversation my whole life. James looks like he finally understands what I mean.  
“Oh… that’s-”  
“It’s a dumb fucking name I know,” I finish.  
He snorts and says through a chuckle, “I wasn't gonna say that exactly, but whatever you think,”  
“Haha,” I say dryly, “Sirius is a star, my family has this weird thing where everybody is named after some space shit. I guess it goes back to my greatest great ancestors or something,” I explain robotically. This is not the first time I've had to explain one of the more obvious mistakes my family choose to make.  
“You know that's actually pretty cool though, being named after a star, I mean space is really cool and stuff,” he says thoughtfully while reaching into his bag and grabbing out a can of bean soup, handing it over to me. James continues, grabbing his own can of what looks like green beans.  
“You know it is the end of the world, if you really wanted to you could change your name, who would know the difference? I suppose you could do that with anything now,” James goes quiet suddenly, voice drifting off before finishing softly. “Personally though I think Sirius suits you,” I scoff at his statement.  
“Gee, thanks,” I say, sarcasm dripping from my words. I step over our bundle of packs to a wall, one lined with a few small boxes, and take a seat, grunting as my ass hits the hard floor.  
I take the can opener James passes my way and use it on my own can.  
James eats like he was never taught that manners even existed. He shovels another large spoonful into his already full mouth and starts chewing.  
I dig in in a more civil fashion, not up to my mother’s standards but still better than the boy across from me. His eyes seem distant as he stares blankly at something near my feet. I let him be, knowing how that goes. I seem to do that a lot too, stare at nothing. I guess when you stop moving, stop talking, that’s when it all catches up to you.

 

I scrape the last of the cold food from the can and set it down where James’ eyes are still settled. I turn my head and rest it against the boxes I’ve been leaning on. The sun is just at that state of dipping below the horizon, colors paint the hazy sky just before darkness swallows them up. The crickets are already singing as their backdrop slowly forms. Even through the thick walls I can hear them loudly. I always did enjoy this time of night, I used to watch the sunsetting as often as I could. I would sneak out and onto my roof. The one thing I loved about that house was the view. Soft willow trees on feathery green hills. I used to sit there watching until the window would creak slightly causing me to jolt up, ready to explain myself if need be. But my worries never did come true. Instead a boy, one who looked so like me would settle next to me and enjoy the views silently. He was always quiet during the day but in these moments he wouldn’t make a sound. I suppose neither of us needed to.  
I tear my eyes from the window just as tears prick the backs of them. I blink a few times to ensure they wouldn’t fall. I settle back to my former position, turning my head to James I realize his eyes have moved from the floor in favor of studying me. His eyebrows raise slightly and then he turns away.  
“I was wondering if you wanted the first shift or if I could take it, I don’t mind. You look like you could use rest,” He says looking at his hands then up to meet my eyes.  
“I’m fine,” I quickly defend, embarrassed he saw my little flashback, “I can take it,” When he looks like he’ll refuse I continue, “Come on, it’ll be payback for the whole not shooting me thing,” He cracks a small smile and responds.  
“I thought you being here was repayment,” I roll my eyes at his words.  
“Do you want to sleep or not? Okay?” He nods at my persuasion and moves to lay against the ground, his pack resting under his head. His glasses are set near his face, soft moonlight reflects from the lenses forming a small picture of the window in the glass.  
“G’night” I hear him say drowsily before his words are drowned out by light breaths.  
“Night,” I reply to the sleeping boy. My thoughts drift to dangerous territory and I let them. The soft puffs of breath rising from the man near where my feet are settled lull me into a hazy sort of reminiscent state. I sigh and let the memories push through. The wounds open up and I let myself bathe in the blood.

 

~

 

Mornings were never my favorite thing. I would always pressure myself to stay in bed until the last possible moment. Now is no different other than the reason I want to stay laying there. Before it was simply a matter of comfort. But now it's more about a silent denial. When you first wake up there are these few seconds that you don't know where you are, you don't remember anything. A blissful unknowingness. The breakfast is cooking in the kitchen and the tv is blearily playing the morning news a floor below you, you are blind to your own reality.  
It never lasts though. The cold dust covered floor becomes uncomfortably known to you and the stench of hopelessness surrounds you. As soon as you let them open it all becomes real again.

I hear a scuffling near my head and decide to crack one eye to see what was causing it. I see James’ bag moving, presumably because he was digging through it. I let my eyes fall closed again and get a few more moments rest.  
After I had woken the other boy up for his shift, once my eyes had gotten heavy and I wasn’t sure of my ability to protect us if need be, I had only fallen asleep an hour after I got my turn to rest. I don’t know what was keeping me awake. Possibly it was my still there untrust of the boy who would be at an advantage over me if he wanted to do anything. I think the only reasoning I could make of why I should trust him enough to look after my sleeping body is that he didn't think twice about me looking after his. This boy blindly trusted me and that gave me enough reasoning to do the same. I guess it’s stupid because honestly it is. I shouldn’t let someone in so fast. I don’t know why but this guy just doesn’t seem like a threat to me and maybe I’m being naive but he doesn’t seem all that bad. _Just because he didn’t shank you in your sleep doesn’t mean you’re besties Siri,_ I remind myself.

I sigh drowsily and slowly wretch my eyes open figuring it near time I get up. A ray of light shines in my direction and I turn on my back to avoid the annoying brightness. I hear James next to me, obviously done searching his bag, a rhythmic scraping sound comes from his direction. I sit up and sluggishly face him, rubbing sleep from my eyes. I almost ask what time it is before realizing the fact neither of us have any clue anymore. That thought does bother me. When I was little one of my biggest fears was that all of the clocks in the world would be set to the wrong time and we would all get caught in an endless lie that never got put right. Now it seems that isn't the only one of my childhood fears to have come true.  
James looks up from where his knife is in his lap, apparently sharpening it against a sandy looking board, to me lifting his lips slightly in a polite gesture. I curtly nod as response. He goes back to work, scraping his blade continuously. Breaking the silence he speaks.  
“I was gonna go out today and get some supplies before we move on,” he says, eyes still at his lap, “If you know we're still doing that and all,” he continues awkwardly. I nod at his statement.  
“You need help?” I offer.  
He seems to to think it over before replying.  
“Nah I think I can get it. I was just gonna see what I Could find in the shed thing near the tower. It's locked but I figured I could get it open with this,” he says, holding his thin knife to eye level, fresh blade glinting in the dim light.  
“You know how to do that?” I ask him, eyebrows raised slightly. Picking locks was always something I told myself I was going to learn one day. I thought it would come in handy one day and here we are.  
He gives me a shy smile and replies.  
“Nope,” I scoff at his answer and he begins to defend himself. “I just figured you know, how hard could it be really?” I give him a look that tells him how stupid I believe his defense to be and he tries once again. “Okay it's probably pretty hard,” I chuckle at his words as he continues, “But,” he says, holding a finger up in front of him, “I happen to be extremely determined and I learn fast,”  
“But there's nobody teaching you that doesn't make any sense!” I bawk out.  
“Well you just don't know me, do you?” He questions rhetorically, as we both know the answer to that. “I think you're going to feel pretty stupid when I get that door open after you doubted me like this,” James says, standing up and sauntering cockily over to the door. He turns back, “I'll be back before you can say breakfast,” And with that pompous statement he turns on his heel and pulls the door open. As soon as I hear it click closed I let out a soft chuckle. Cocky bastard, I think.

~

“Son of a-!” I hear James grunt out as I round the corner of the tower. After about fifteen minutes of him being out here I decided to stop eating my cold can of soup and see what was taking the man so long. He wasn’t lying when he said he was determined, a fast learner on the other hand…  
I smirk and hold back a chuckle as I come into view of the boy who was currently pressing all of his weight into his knife that was lodged in the thick lock, keeping the door sealed.  
“You know you’re just gonna break your knife,” James jumps at my words obviously unaware of my presence. His hands scramble for his blade as it slips out of the key hole when he jolts up.  
“No, I’m really close. I can feel it!” He insists. I slowly step closer and peer over his strained shoulder. His head suddenly drops against the door and he heaves a sigh.  
“Fuck… I didn’t know it was so hard,” He mumbles. I snort at his words and retort.  
“Well it probably isn’t if you actually know how to do it,” He grunts defeatedly at my comment. I sigh deeply and reach my hand to my belt, tugging my knife up with it. “Look, you go eat. I’ll give it a try, alright?” He looks up at me with a tired expression and relents with a nod. He drags himself back to the building and I turn to face the shed. Okay, all you need is a little thought, I think to myself, It’s just like math or something. Ignoring the fact that I failed math every time I took it, I push the tip of my knife into the small key hole. I then press my ear to the cold metal like I’ve seen people do in movies with this type of thing. I listen closely for any noises.  
After several minutes of noiselessness I sigh, turning my head not unlike James had, and pull my knife out. It’s not going to work like this, I think. I dig into my mind, trying to remember all of those crime movies I used to watch. The kind that my mother hated, insisting it would turn me into a juvenile. I had never seen a lock picked with a blade, only bobby pins and paper clips and such. I groan as I have neither and I’m fairly certain James is in the same position.  
Just then I hear scuffling behind me.  
“Hey, James,” I say, “You wouldn’t happen to be hiding any hairpins, would you?” I ask with a breathy laugh.

The boy doesn’t reply but I can hear him moving closer. Figuring he must not have heard me I turn this time to repeat myself. As I do a body fiercely knocks into my own, slamming me back into the shed door. My mind frantically tries to catch up with my surroundings. A smell, one I’m quite familiar with, surrounds me and I know it’s not James attacking me.  
I grasp my hands at the exposed torso of the rotted creature. My knife has a funny way of jumping from my hands when I’m most in need and I try to turn my head, hoping to see it on the ground near my feet. I am forced to snap my head back up as the monster makes a sudden lunge, almost freeing himself of my grasp. I forcibly heave my weight into him, the only effect being his hands find my clothed skin as I press closer into his body. His jaw audibly snaps close to my ear, the sound ringing out like funeral bells in a church. Just as his deadly teeth reach my neck his weight is torn from me.  
My mind fuzzy and my ears ringing from the sheer adrenaline pumping through me. I hear the familiar sound of a blade piercing flesh. The soft squishing noise brings me back to reality. My eyes begin to focus and the ringing subsides. Next thing I know a hand is on my shoulder and I’m face to face with the dark haired boy I assume had come to my rescue. His eyes are filled with a panic I haven’t seen yet, frantically searching my body for signs of injury.  
Coming to my senses, I shove him off. His hand slips from my shoulder and I look away. Embarrassment rises in me as I bend down to pick my knife up from where the damn thing had landed.  
I breath shakily and speak, my voice ruff. “Like I was saying,” I try to draw the attention away from the incident at hand, “Do you happen to have any hair pins,” James looks at me as if I’d gone off my rocker, brows knitted together and head shaking in confusion.  
“Wait… what?” He asks, thoroughly confused. I sigh in false annoyance, my blood still pumping and hands shaking as I sheath my weapon in it’s place on my belt.  
“Hairpins,” I say dumbly. When he still doesn’t seem to follow I continue, beginning to walk as I explain. “I figured the only way that door’s getting open is with one of those things and since I have none I was wondering if you did,” I say in a tone you might to a child that doesn’t understand how to count.  
“Oh… no I don’t but… are you okay, I mean after back there-”  
“I’m fine, gods,” I cut him off, embarrassment settling in my gut that James had to come to my rescue like a knight in fucking armor, _and I’m the bloody princess, nice going Siri,_ I reprimand myself for my carelessness. I should have paid more attention to my surroundings and not the god damn door, I think.  
James is following my path to the door of the clock tower, looking like a lost puppy in his befuddlement. “Okay… I mean if you're sure you're fine-”  
“I am.” I say with finality just as I wretch the door open. James’ can of half eaten food still sits in the middle of the room. He must have seen me struggling through the window and jumped up without second thought. I sigh and relent, my pride still faltering I speak. “Thanks for that, by the way.” I say before stepping over our bags and dropping down on the dusty floor. James nods his head in a way that says ‘of course’ and follows my lead, picking up his food he sits.  
My mind begins to slow again, the jitteriness not yet gone but calming down slightly.  
I think how silly it is for me to be still so frightened of these things. This was not my first close encounter and I can guarantee it won't be my last. I suppose I'm not overreacting completely. I'm sure it's a common thing to react like I do in a situation like this.  
When you get so near death you just accept it, your mind falters and stills. All of your fear seems to go away. It's almost blissful, the few seconds before you're ripped from this world. It's strange, your heart can be pumping, your mind can be screaming to find safety up until that moment. Everything stops, you feel a sort of finality, almost like a relief that you're finally done fighting.  
I always figured that's how I'm going to die in this world. I'm going to play it like a game, fight as hard as I can to survive but when my end comes I'll be ready for it, I’ll accept it as something I can’t change- can’t fight to change. That's what I like to tell myself at least.


	3. Of Messy Hair and Brotherhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow sorry for the wait on this! I have so many ideas for the later chapters and so little for the current ones but here it is. I don't really like the flow of this chapter but I promise it will get smoother from here on and I wont make you wait forever (hopefully) next time. Annnd it may be the shortest chapter ever but here it is. I hope you enjoy!

_The gutteral moans echo through the dense air. My heart seems as though it were audible, that at any moment they would hear the thundering beats and find our location. I try to keep my breath quiet but at the speed it’s going I’m having a hard time not panting._

_We’re pressed against the cold hard tiles of the wall, the one that makes up a hallway in our old high school. Even when the world was normal i hated this place, now two months into all of this I feel the same.The bleak white tiles and floors that match. The winding corridors that seem far more ominous now that there are swarms of monsters filtering through them._

_The lights permanently off, some of them even went as far as being torn from the ceiling. Bullet holes cover the bricks from the first few days of all of this. When the world still seemed repairable the army desperately tried taking out the infected but to no avail, there were too many._

_I hear the boy squeezed up next to me audibly gulp. I look over and see the nerves written across his face. The moans grow more distant, the infected must have moved down a new hallway. I elbow the boy and with a motion of my head we sneak away from our hiding place. I dig through my brain, trying to remember the layout of this place. The lunch room, I repeat over in my head as we get nearer to where we will hopefully arrive at our destination, the only reason we ventured in here. The place was noticeably crawling with walkers but our hunger pushed us on._

_I almost exclaim when I notice the signs for the gyms, knowing the cafeteria is next door. I motion with my hands to the other boy in the correct direction and we step lightly as the sounds of infected seem louder the farther we go. The lights aren’t completely off in this hall, just eerily flickering. One second we’re in pitch dark the next the blood stained walls are illuminated. Our feet move quickly over the grimy tiles. Our pace quickens with each groan we hear. I think I hear a heard coming up behind us and turn to look as the the lights patternly flip on and off Just when I swear I see shadows it goes black again. The boy tugs on my arm as I had stopped in the middle of the hall. I turn back to see the younger man a few paces ahead of me and hurry to catch up. Our speed is practically sprinting as we get to the next corner. The light flickers off and we round the corner. When it flicks on my mouth drops open and I almost cry out. Bodies strewn across the linoleum lay in a horror film cover type of way. The boy starts forward and I follow. Louder, louder, louder, I think to myself as the moans are carried through the air. Just as I look back for a second time to see where they’re coming from I hear a short cry and a thump. I look back, panic panging through me, I almost call into the darkness when the light switches on, showing the boy on the ground, a strewn body being the cause. I reach my hand out to him as he struggles to get up. He takes it and we begin walking again._

_“Thanks,” He said in a hushed tone so as not to draw us attention._

_I_ _reply in the same manner. “What are brothers for?_

_~_

I tear my eyes away from the view of the sun setting. My mind still in that moment, the one I have tried to forget for months.

Guilt gnaws at my stomach at the memory. I couldn’t save him, I repeat for the hundredth time since the incident, I couldn’t.

I hear the door squeak behind me. The rusty hinges giving away James’ presence. I look over the edge of the clock tower. The soft wind blows the dark hair out of my face.

Back when the world was normal I had kept my hair long, I spent hours making it look just the right amount of messy, wind blown and just below my shoulders. My mother would tell me how unruly it looked that way, only egging me on to grow it longer.

Now the same hair I would once dote over looks truly messy. A brush hasn’t been run through it in as long as I can remember. Sweat and dirt making it hang heavily and stifling down my neck. I can’t seem to be bothered to get it cut, though. I suppose I like the fact it’s still something that can feel generally normal. I know that as long as my hair hasn’t changed, I won’t. It’s silly, I know that, but it’s something that seems comforting to me.

The setting sun paints colors over the horizon. A rich pink fills the air like cotton candy. It’s beautiful. I almost forget where we are for the moment; I almost let myself forget. But that little voice in the back of my head is constantly reminding me where I really am. Not watching the soft rolling hills while on the roof, cigarette between my lips. I'm here, in this hell, and my mind won't let me forget that. It’s an almost guilty feeling. You forget for a moment, you let your guard down for a minute to enjoy something, anything small you can. But there’s this feeling like you shouldn’t, like you’re stupid for it.

I look over as the dark skinned boy walks up next to, quietly. It’s a moment before he speaks in a distant voice, like he was reading my thoughts he says, “It’s weird isn’t it? How normal some things are. Like the whole world is completely fucked and you know that. But it’s like sometimes you look at something and you forget it all for a second.” His voice takes an agitated tone then in a faint hearted whisper he continues. “Maybe that’s just me.”

“It’s not just you,” I assure in a voice just above a whisper.

~

The soft humming of crickets begins to lull me. James had offered to take the first shift and feeling as though keeping my eyes open was a chore I agreed. I lay sprawled close to the wall. The cracked window shines bleary starlight above me.

After James and I had come down from the top of the tower, a few silent minutes later, we had discussed our plan to move. We agreed that tomorrow we would head out. I do admit I am a bit worried about having no sure place but after a few walkers straggled into camp today we decided it wasn’t safe here anymore. Our whole plan is to basically move until we find a place to stay, James thinks he saw a few buildings just over the hill from the tower top. I don’t know how sure I am in his plan but I suppose I have nothing better.

I roll further onto my side a breath deeply. The smell of rotted wood filling my senses. I hear soft breathing besides me where James is sat keeping watch. It’s quiet. Almost an unsettling quiet, like something’s missing. Something’s missing. What’s missing?

I crack my eyes open, my mind turning sharp and my body on edge. What’s missing? I roll onto my back. James glances at me, his eyebrows raise in question.

“Do you hear that?” I ask him in a hushed tone. He listens for a moment before shaking his head no. “Neither do I,” I say.

The crickets had stopped. The outside world was silent, silent enough to get my heart pumping faster than need be.

I sit up quickly as I can without making a noise. This gets James’ attention and he looks towards me quizzically.

“The crickets,” I whisper in his direction while slowly rising to my feet. James looks at me, eyebrows knit as he clearly isn’t following my train of thought. I continue, hoping he catches on with little explanation. “They’ve stopped.”

His eyebrows scrunch and he raises himself to my side where I’ve shimmied noiselessly to the window.

I hear his breath hitch in unison with mine. We both sink slowly back down and press ourselves against the wall behind us.

My mind reels and my breathing is rapid. Walkers, at least twenty of them, outside. They're headed this way.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I will get this updated faster and I will try to make the next ones longer. Thank you for making it through this. Reviews and comments are always aprechiated!  
> My tumblr is Retiredvoldemort :)


	4. Of Gods and Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow I'm sorry this is so late holy dick! I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know if you do :)

Something I don't think anyone thinks enough about is just how fragile our lives really are. We are always close to death even when we're not. One thing can go wrong and a few moments later we can meet our end.

  It's unsettling sure. But you'd think people would spend their lives worrisome over it. I mean of course it crosses our minds but do we really _think_ about it? Honestly I try not to. I'm no better in reality. I just feel like we don't appreciate just how small our being is.

  I don't know if I believe in an afterlife. I don't know if I ever did but you can't help but wonder if there's not. If our minds created the dilution of life after death because we were so afraid that this world is it. When you look scientifically at it it seems unlikely but the thought that our brains will one day stop working for good, just switch off into an eternal darkness is so unfathomable.

  I don't know what I believe but I know what I hope. I hope there's somewhere to go. I hope that all of those people that lived unbearable lives finally found peace. I hope everyone who died a tragic death knew something beyond that. I hope every good hearted person is able to exist pain free. And I hate to say it but yes, I hope I'm welcome there if nothing else.

 

~

 

   I take a few deep breaths before pulling myself from the wall and swinging my bag over my shoulder, the sting of my healing cut masked by adrenaline. James follows in suit lifting his bag on his own back. I reach down and pull my knife from its sheath. My heart pounds in my ears as they begin to fill with the sounds of the dead. James backs away, gun in his own hand. I glance over at him, his eyes filled with fear. I back away from the center of the room towards the door leading up the tower. The other man’s eyes find my own, an uncertainty clear in the deep brown. “It’s too high. We’ll be trapped.” He mouths, voice hardly there. I send him a look saying ‘we don’t have a choice’. The man gives a half nod before silently shuffling to my side. The ground outside, crumpled by the feet of the dead. What was once our safe haven is now feeling more like a coffin.

  I face the flimsy door that, in a few moments, might be the only thing standing in our way of certain demise. The handle turns slow as I begin pressing my weight against it. A drawn out creak emits causing a strangled breath to be caught in my throat. When the door is parted we push through, James first as I close the gap behind us. The walls beyond us begin to creak as the bodies move to it. The moans suffocate me as they fill my senses. James nudges me and tips his head in the direction of the stairs before us in a silent command. Our legs push on until we reach the top. The sounds of glass breaking tell me the monsters have already entered and are slowly making their way to us. My mind reels as we break through the final barrier and soft air hits us.

  The door is slammed shut behind me as I step onto the unshielded platform. The sounds of walkers, louder out here, carried by the wind. I chance a look over the edge, the ground far below. My throat seems as if it’s closing, my ragged breath like razor blades cutting through it. My hands clench the rail as I steady myself. A soft calm settles over me. _This is it,_ I think, _I’m going to die. We’re going to die._  I’ve almost let myself fall tranquil when a slam sounds against the door at my back, paging me back to the reality of the moment. All thoughts of giving up fall to the back of my mind. I turn to James who is frantically searching the area for an escape. His eyes dart from the sides of the walls down to the ground below in a frenzy of panic. The slamming becomes louder, forceful. Death knocking at the door, willing us to open up and meet our end. I hear a thud and look over to find James slumped against the railing, head buried in his hands.

  My eyes drift to his side. A small gap in the rail shows in the bleary light. My heart leaps into my throat. “James!” The man looks up at my sudden outburst, a look of hopelessness drawn over his features. I point a shaky hand at the space between the rails. His eyes follow my finger and he leaps up and over to what looks like an escape. “Holy shit!” I hear him say, muffled by our attackers.

  “It’s a ladder! Sirius, it’s a ladder!” The color flushes back into his face and his eyes shine as he meets my own. I rush to his side and peer down. Indeed there is a ladder leading down to the ground. Down to the thinning stream of bodies below.

  “Fuck” I mutter under my breath. “There's no way we can get out through that,” I whisper to James who is now kneeling next to me.

  “Well we have to try!” He says back, “It's either this or we die up here. That door won't hold very long once the biters get up to it and… I don't know about you but I'd rather take my chances down there,” He says, looking me in the eyes as I nod in agreement. _He's right,_ I think. _You can't just sit here._

  James motions for me to go first. “ When you get down don't wait for me, okay?” I open my mouth to protest but he cuts me off, “Just start running, I'll be right behind you,” He looks into my eyes until I nod in a promise to do as he says. With a quick prayer to whatever gods are watching I crouch low enough to get below the bar and settle my feet on the ladder.

  I blindly move my feet down a rung at a time hoping I don't fall as the bars are slippery and cold. I look up to find James a few rungs above me moving in the same way I am. _Left foot down, touch the bar. Right foot down, touch the bar_ , I repeat to myself until I'm down to the last few feet above the ground. A few walkers have begun to notice us and stray away from the cluster. I fight my urge to jump to the ground and settle for a faster stride. I begin moving my feet with a quicker pace and soon reach the bottom, still about two feet from the ground. I then jump, landing upright, and I glance behind me.

  The monsters have now taken definite notice in us and begin to slump towards us, their dead eyes filled with hunger. James is shouting at me to run but I can't bring myself to leave him. I rush to the ladder and help him down the last few feet before the walkers close on us. Their greedy hands raised in our direction as they stumble towards us.

  James grabs a handful of my sleeve and tugs me forward. We tear through the low hanging brush in the direction James had thought he saw some buildings a few days before. Not daring to look back we duck through the underlying brush dodging low hanging branches and stumbling over snapping twigs until we finally break through the edge of the forest to sure enough find a small deserted town yards away.

  We push on until we reach the rubbled buildings. Our legs strain as we push our bodies down the distance. The deadly growls hover close behind. Monsters begin moving in from distant streets to join the group on our tails. The sound of our feet pounding against the asphalt, drowned out by our chasers.

  My breath feels like embers in my chest, a soft flame burning, suffocating me. Time seems to slow down, every movement hazy. My mind is dreamy in a state of unrealness. The closer the monsters get the further I’m pushed to this realm. The sounds becoming muffled and the soft air hitting my face becoming heavy. Then like reality switched back on it floods back. James has my arm and is retching me to the side. I briefly notice a building then I hear a heavy door slam in front of my rapidly blinking eyes. The sound of a lock clicking shut brings my attention to the other man in the room.

  His body looks more than a little shaken. He backs away, gun in hand, pointed at the snapping doors should they get freed.

  “How many bullets you got?” I ask between straggled huffs of breath, motioning my hand to the pistol in his own. James fumbles with the magazine, pulling the cartridge out with shaky hands. He swallows thickly.

  “About four.” He replies. My shoulders deflate. I remember a time when I wouldn’t dream of giving up, I would think of those as dirty words. A time when I would meet any means to reach my goal, but now? Now I don’t know if I even want to. The person not so long ago yet so young, he’s gone. Taken away with the rest of the fallen. The boy that used to have hopes and dreams of a better life to come in the future has now realized what the future really is. It’s not some beautiful apartment with big windows overlooking the city and a warm happiness glowing in your chest. The future is wishing you were back in the time you were only dreaming of it. Sometimes I wonder if maybe the people who gave up were right.

  Maybe there is a time you need to throw in the towel. Maybe you have to stop putting your pride before your happiness and let go. I wonder if it would be as bad as I envision it, death I mean. I think there could be a place for us. A god? No, there is no god. No God would create the things we’ve endured. But maybe, just maybe, we do go somewhere. I suppose there really is only one way to find out.

  Just as the thought crosses through my mind I jolt back to reality, to the noises outside. A muffled gunshot sounds out and I whip around. James springs up from his place on the floor. Another rings out as we move to the center of the large room. A strange feeling rushes through me. Continuous shots break through the noises of the quickly dropping dead.

 The last shot breaks out leaving behind an eerie silent feeling. The inevitable closing in. The masked heroes must be revealed at some point. Behind those doors we may meet our knights or we may meet our demons and in this world there arn't many knights left.

 A heavy banging shakes the door causing the hairs to stand on my arms. I look over at James who is holding up his pistol with shaky hands in the direction of the door. He glances at me through his side vision, his eyes wide and uncertain.

The forceful knocking subsides and a raspy voice breaks through.

“You dead in there?” The voice questions and I have a funny feeling we’re going to wish we were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it through this! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated. I will try to hopefully get this updated faster next time but don't hold your breath.   
> My tumblr is Retiredvoldemort :)


	5. Of Newcomers and Schoolyard Games With Corpses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow Sirius actually updated decently on time?? I know, I know, miracles do exist. Well I hope you ejoy this chapter and let me know if you do!

_I stretch my arms over my head, my joints give a protesting pop at the movement. I pad across the floor of my room sluggishly while scratching at an itch on my butt._

_The door to my room opens at my command and I tread out into the ungodly lit hallway._

_“Jesus…” I mumble, “Why is it so goddamn bright in here,” I irritably question as I stumble down the stairs for a cup of the coffee I smell._

_The Tv in the other room blearily plays the morning news as I pour the steaming liquid into a plain white mug and rest my hip against the counter._

_I hear shuffling in the other room and make my way over to see who else dares to be up this early on a Saturday._

_I lazily stride through the dining area which separates the living room from the kitchen and into the open space._

_The source of the noise I discover to be my brother who is sprawled out across the white leather couch. His feet are tangled in a cotton blanket and he's lazily sipping tea as he was never a coffee drinker._

_He grunts at me as I move to sit where his feet are resting, lifting them out of the way while ignoring his groans of protest._

_His eyes drift back to the soft hum of the Tv, some lady and her son were killed this morning. Apparently a man had walked in front of their car and caused them to roll._

_“Couldn't sleep?” I ask the man whose feet were now resting on my lap._

_He shook his head tiredly at my question._

_“Bad dream?” I pushed. Again his head nodded but this time to say yes._

_I sigh, not even bothering to ask about it as I know by now he wouldn't tell me._

_“You?” I hear his sleep rumpled voice ask._

_I let out a soft ‘mhm’ as an answer and take a gulp of my drink._

_I turn my attention back to the Tv, another banner at the top of the screen reads Breaking News the same as before with the crash._

_The voice of the reporter channels through as he starts speaking about another accident in which a man was found mauled in a park near Edinburgh by an unknown animal._

The twenty year old man was found in the park by a mother and her daughter. The police haven't released much about this case other than they don't know the animal that caused the attack. Local police are advising that all people near the area stay in their homes until the animal is caught.

_A few interviews run by, people in the area who have claimed to witness similar things In squirrels and rabbits they've found chewed up near the park. I scratch at the back of my neck as I yawn, the sun just now rising slowly through the large windows to our right._

In other news. The reporter carries on, The CDC has discovered an outbreak of a disease they believe to be a new form of rabies. Three people have died after getting bit by what they claimed were rabid people while out on the street. The CDC does not know what has caused this usually uncommon disease to reach new heights but urge people to stay away from anyone on the street that looks sick and to go straight to the hospital if bitten.

_“That's creepy,” I grumble around the edge of my cup. My brother lets out an agreeing ‘mm’ noise before sitting up and stretching._

_“What are you doing today?” He asks around a yawn. I sigh heavily before responding._

_“I don't know. Nothing I guess… I think Orion wants me to stay in today.” I say, referring to my father whom I haven't called as such since I was thirteen or so._

_“I would assume so after last night,” The boy's voice travels from the dining area as he makes the walk to the kitchen, empty tea mug in hand._

_I silently agree as I try to avoid the thoughts of last night’s particularly bad row. The man had gotten revved up over me playing my music to an ‘_ ungodly level’ _as he had put it. I apparently had stepped too far when I retorted with something along the lines of_ ‘well you should all be thanking me for culturing you lot on what music should actually sound like’.

_The back of his hand had connected with my cheek at that. I had looked over to see my mother shaking her head at me, a look of distaste clear on her pinched features._

_“Yeah… I better not risk it,” I say solemnly to my brother as he plunked back down on the couch next to me, a new cup of tea between his hands._

_‘Mm’ he replies. “Besides,” he pauses to blow on his tea, “You probably shouldn't go out anyway with all that freaky shit going on,” he motions to the Tv._

_I scoff at his words, “Pff, what like that's gonna scare me. Come on it's just some sick people like I'm going to run into one anyway,”_

_He raises a dark eyebrow at my words but says no more, instead leaning back and throwing his feet up on the table. My mother would be having a fit if she saw him and I smirk at his disobedience._ He's been around me too long _, I think._

~

“You dead in there?” The raspy voice of our savior calls out.

  My heart beats in my ears as I attempt to silence my harsh breaths. _Yes,_ I say to myself, _yes we're dead, go away._

I glance over to James who has a look similar to my own across his features. Fear and confusion mingle on his face.

  A few tense seconds go by before the sound of knocking subsidies. I strain my ears as best I can through the thick metal walls of what I've come to realize is some type of warehouse.

  The steel beams hold up the fraying roof. The walls seem solid but the windows towards the back are worn and broken.

  I swallow as lightly as I can. I catch the sound of voices outside, too muffled for the words I do catch to make much sense.

  _“I know there's people…”_

_“We can't just…”_

_“If they won't… We can't risk it…”_ I pick up.

  My mind spins. _What do they want with us?_ I think. Why would they wait out there for us if they just plan to kill us?

  James turns to me as if to ask if I heard it too. I give a silent nod of my head as an answer.

  We turn back to face the barrier between us and our attackers. The other man’s gun is raised again when we hear footsteps outside nearing the doors. The crunching of gravel sounds out as someone walks across it.

  “Look,” We straighten up at the sound of a voice, a different one than before. Not raspy and deep but feminine and soft. “We know you're in there, we're not leaving until you let us in,” The voice continues. I hear a muffled complaint from the other of the two out there.

“Just let us in, we just want to talk to you,” The soft voice says. _Yeah, you just want to talk. You know who else ‘just wanted to talk’? Hannibal. That's right, Hannibal just wanted to fucking talk, that is until he killed those dudes and wore their skin and shit._ I think to myself but one look at James says he feels the same way.

  A few seconds go by before the voice sounds again, more forceful this time. The sweetness seems to have left for something else.

  “Look, we did save your asses so the least you could do is let us not die out here.” _Shit_. I think. The boy next to me turns, questioning look in his eyes.

  “What do you want to do?” He whispers. I close my eyes and breath a deep breath before opening them again with a nod of my head.

 He returns the nod in agreement before inching toward the lock hanging from the chains wrapped around the handles that James had secured when we got in here.

 I follow close behind as he reaches down to turn the key sticking out of the padlock.

  I hear a metallic click before the lock is removed from the chains. I grab it when James passes it to my hands and stuff it, along with the key, in my front pocket.

  He yanks the chains from their wound up place on the door handles before setting those to his side.

  He locks eyes with me and a silent agreement is passed between us. He backs up and raises his pistol at the doorway. I move forward and ease the doors open.

 Cool air filters through the parting metal. The doors slowly fall fully open and I glance out to the fallen bodies of dead walkers that litter the ground below.

 My eyes shift up to find the bodies the voices belonged to. Their shadowy figures resemble a petite woman and a lanky man. They push past me and trudge into the room. I grab the doors and quietly shut them when I see a few lingering creatures filtering through the streets.

  I look behind me to find the pair standing silently with James’ gun raised in their direction.       His eyes look sharp in the dim light. I take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my rapid heartbeat.

My eyes begin adjusting to the darkness and I begin to make out the new comers. The woman is short, only slightly shorter than myself but that isn’t exactly tree like. Her flame colored hair seems to illuminate the dark room. Her face is pale and the tip of her nose seems to be sprinkled with very fine freckles. She turns to me and locks her harsh gaze in my direction, her sparkling green eyes are like fireflies in the blackness.

 The man looks as if he would like to snap James in two at the way he glares fiercely in his direction. His honey colored eyes are squinted in a deathly glare and his soft jaw is set. He has curls that look as if they could be a light brown but I can’t quite tell in this light. The soft hair curls around his ears and down to his thick eyebrows. His long arms are at his sides where a pistol is clutched in his fist. I look over to the girl and realize the same thing.

   The tension in the air is palpable. All of us are on edge, not knowing the other’s motives. I open my mouth to speak but the man cuts me off. His voice is deeper than before but is definitely the one we had earlier heard.

 “What were you doing running around with a bunch of walkers at this time of night? Did you just decide to be imbeciles today or was that not part of the plan?” He questions and my mouth falls open. James and I exchange a shocked glance at his brashness. _What the hell’s this guy’s problem?_ I think. James responds, his tone as shocked and annoyed as his face.

“Um… no, we didn’t plan it,” He says aggravatedly. The man scoffs and continues.

“Then why were you out there in the middle of the night playing catch up with a herd of them,” He continues and the girl sends an elbow into his arm.

“Stop, I’m sure they weren’t meaning to,” She says to the boy who has turned his gaze to her, though his eyes soften a bit when she speaks. “What happened?” She questions. James and I exchange glances in an attempt to tell our story.  
“Well,” James starts, lowering his gun slightly, “They kind of drove us out of the place we were staying,” He finishes. The woman nods her head and opens her mouth to speak.

“I’m Lily,” She states, her body relaxing slightly at the softening atmosphere.

“James,” The man near me gives shortly. “And that’s Sirius,” He says with a tip of his head in my direction. Lily nods at me, the harsh gaze softened slightly.  

 She looks expectantly at the other boy who is still glaring at us. She huffs before speaking.

  “This is Remus,” She says for the man. He tenses slightly as though us knowing his name was a deadly advantage.

 James and lily seem to soften their defense but I still have questions that need answering.

“Why did you save us?” I ask. Lily and Remus’ gaze drift to me in surprise as I haven't spoken yet. “You could have just let us die in here but you didn’t, why?” I continue, not bothering to keep the harshness out of my tone as I’m still not convinced someone would just go out of their way to save some strangers. Lily swallows and shrugs slightly.

“You obviously needed help and it wasn’t like we were just going to let you die in here.” She answers.

“Why not?” I push, “It’s not like you know us. We could have been psychos for all you knew.” I say sharply.

“Are you?” Remus’ voice sounds out.

“No,” James answers, “But you didn’t know that,” He continues and I’m glad we’re on the same page. Lily sighs at that.

“Look,” she says exasperatedly, “Maybe it was stupid of us but whatever, it’s done. You’re both alive and we have no intentions of changing that.” She finishes and glances between the two of us trying to wage our thoughts.

 I deflate and look over to James, his gun is hanging loosely at his side and he seems to be thinking the same thing I am. He looks up to find my eyes and gives a small nod that I return.

“Fine,” He starts, “Well thanks for that,” He says, motioning to the door and the walkers that lay beyond. The two both nod as to say you’re welcome and James continues, “So… where do we go from here?’ He asks as awkwardly as someone questioning ‘what are we’ to their lover. Remus shrugs when Lily glances at him for his input.

“I suppose we could stay together, for now at least. You don’t seem to have much for protection and we already saved you, no point in letting you go without ammo.” The man says. I grind my teeth slightly at his insinuation that we can’t take care of ourselves but thankfully Lily starts speaking over what would probably be something I would regret.

 “Besides, we can’t exactly go anywhere tonight and we’re already here so…” James nods his head in agreement.

 I huff but keep quiet as i trust James to make the right decision, maybe a stupid idea but maybe all of this is.

 

~

 

 I roll over to find James and Remus carrying on a hushed conversation. The soft moonlight filtered onto their faces through the window to their left.

 After our agreement to stay together, _for now_ , we all decided to head out tomorrow as towns were never the safest place. We all agreed that heading out with no sleep was a stupid idea but none of us were keen on letting just one person keep watch as we are still weary of each other.     

  Remus and James had volunteered for first shift and were currently into the first hour. Sleep still eluded me as my distrust of the newcomers held tightly to my brain. Every time i closed my eyes I imagined the man taking James out then coming for me. I moved slightly to get a view of Lily, who was a few feet away, sleeping soundly. Apparently her worries weren’t as invasive as mine.

 

 The weighing worry of not getting enough sleep won eventually and I let my eyes flutter closed. The soft sounds of the men’s talk drifted to me, lulling me. They had moved to the topic of where to head to in the morning when my mind finally gave out to the grips of sleep.

My uncle used to say some risks were worth taking, now I’m hoping with all my heart he was right.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, oh! New characters arise! 
> 
> Well thank you for getting through this mess. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! I will /attempt/ to get the next chapter up as fast as this one.  
> My tumblr is retiredvoldemort :)


	6. Of Cigarettes and Shagging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gods this is late but really, what did you expect? This is a pretty long chapter with not a whole lot of action so I hope it's not too boring. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you do!

_The rain paints my window a reflective silver. My breath is evening out as I lay wrapped in the soft comfort of my bed._   
_A sudden squeak sounds from the hall causing my brain mind to jolt and listen for more. The calming smell of jasmine incense that seems forever stuck to my blankets engulfs me as I pull the poofy black comforter up past my chest. Ears filtering through the noise outside my home to the ones inside._   
_After a few seconds of silence I let out a breath I had been holding. The sound of the storm presses into my room, rumbles of distant thunder lull my eyes closed and allow my mind to pick up._

  
_Just as my thoughts begin to slow once again I hear a soft creaking. My heart leaps into my throat and my body jumps up to sitting position. I whip my head over to the door and scan the darkened room for signs of movement._

  
_Just as I think I'm imagining things I hear it again though softer, closer. My mind reels and my eyes squint. My body noticeably shaking as nerves flip through me._   
_Just as I'm about to ask who's there a soft whisper breaks the silence._

  
_“Siri?” The panic I was feeling drains and I'm left with a tired one flooding through me._

  
_“Jesus Christ. Are you trying to kill me?” I suspect back. A thin body dips into the place where the sky meets the floor. A young boy, only one year younger than me but that’s still very young, nearly twelve, in soft sweats and a beat up band shirt, one that used to be mine, stands there shivering slightly._

  
_I strain to look at him through the soft light. Seeing the state of him I motion with my hands for him to climb in next to me. I move over to the edge, knowing he can only sleep against the wall during these nights._

  
_The bed dips with his weight and he curls under the stacked blankets, his back to me. I sigh at his silence, something he tends to do a lot._

  
_“Are you gonna tell me?” Another hardly audible sigh escapes me at the shake of his head. “You know it might help to talk about it.” I try again._

  
_“I'm fine Sirius, okay!” He says sharply in a hushed tone. I almost snap as I'm just trying to help when I see his shoulders shudder. I move in closer, not enough to touch but enough so he knows I'm there._

  
_“Sorry, I didn't mean to-” I stop him with a hush noise as I don't need an explanation. “Thanks,” he says quietly, barely audible over the sudden thunder. I let my eyes fall closed and reply._   
_“What are brothers for,”_

  
  My dreams were filled with the newcomers and their plot to destroy us before switching to something I vaguely recognised as the set of the Teletubbies before I fell into full unconsciousness.

  
 When I woke I felt the soft breeze of a person moving by my face. My mind was still fuzzy when James bent down to shake me awake. I looked into his tired eyes with the one of mine I had groggily cracked open. I had shifted and sat up to see Remus rousing Lily as well. 

  
 The rest of the night was uneventful consisting of me avoiding the girl’s gaze and answering her occasional questions in one word statements. The sun had risen lazily outside and Lily and I had shaken the two boys awake as we may need all day to find a safe place to stay.

  I sit cross legged around a map Remus had laid out on the cement floor. A can of kidney beans is clutched in my hand as I lazily scoop out my breakfast. The others are sprawled out as well, their own meals are eaten feverishly as they listen to James talk through the plan him and Remus had plotted the night before. The other man chimes in when James misses something and honestly I am trying to pay attention but my mind has different ideas.

  
 I let my eyes glaze over as the others talk, my brain begging me to close them and sleep. I cave in and let them close, just to rest them a bit. My mind begins lulling as the voices around me become softer.

 I feel a sharp pinch on my arm and my eyes fly open again to find two pointed stares and one glare from the tawny boy sitting across from me.

  
 “Sorry,” I mumble out, “Jus’ dozed off,” Remus’ gaze doesn’t ease at my apology but instead hardens.

  
 “I suggest taking this with even a shed of seriousness, if you can muster any up, seeing as knowing the plan may save your ass,” The man states harshly and I returned his glare.

  
 “Okay, what’s your problem?” I question, annoyed and vaguely confused as he honestly is over reacting.

  
 “My problem is you,” He states sharply I bawk at him, what the hell? I think. “You aren’t taking any of this seriously, is this all just a game to you?” He asks in a tone so deep it honestly prickles my skin.

  
 “Of course it’s not!” I defend, “I just didn’t get much sleep-” He cuts me off.

 “None of us did and we aren't taking a nap,” I choose to ignore his comment and continue with my own.

  
 “Besides, we’re just walking, if I got confused you lot could just inform me on this brilliant plan I unfortunately missed. It’s not like I’m going to get lost out there walking with three other fucking people!” I almost shout back but I manage to control myself.

  
 Remus opens his mouth to retort but is cut off when Lily steps in.

  
 “Okay! Look I get it, you’re not too fond of each other but can we please act like adults here and get on with the plan so none of us do get lost?” She waits for a response and when neither of us argue with her she huffs and looks back to the map.

  
 I sit up and listen as the git did make a point, I really shouldn’t be slacking when it could mean our lives.

 

  
 By the time we all have our bags packed and thrown on our backs we had decided to head south. The map showed a small lake and both parties are running low on water. We figured that people may have built houses near there for the view and we may be able to find one we can hide out in together, _for now_ , I remind myself.

  
 The bright morning light hits us as we breach the heavy doors and step out into the sunlight. A few creatures sway through the abandoned streets. We begin to move, desperate to get out of the city especially after the gunfire the other two let off last night. We’re just lucky we didn’t attract every creature for miles.

  
 Remus and Lily take the lead as we sprint as silently as we can through the streets. The buildings begin thinning out after a few minutes and we settle into a slower pace.  
James suddenly motions for me to hang back while the other two talk softly amongst each other.

  
 I raise an eyebrow at James in question.  
 “What do you think of them?” He asks in a hushed tone. I think for a moment, considering my answer before responding in the same tone.

  
 “The girl seems alright, the guy on the other hand…” I trail off and glance at James. He purses his lips slightly.

  
 “To be fair you haven’t given him much of a chance, he was actually pretty decent last night when I was talking to him,” I roll my eyes subtly but well aware James could see me.

 

  
 “He hasn’t given me any reason to be nice to him,” I state stubbornly. James huffs at my answer.  
 “Yeah but if you two could just try to get along for a bit you might see neither of you are too bad, well… I’m not too sure he’ll see much difference in you but you might as well try,” He says with a teasing smile and I shove him roughly in retaliation, a smirk on my own lips.

  
 “Berk,” I mutter under my breath and I hear James snicker.

~

 The walk so far has been uneventful. The cool wind had picked up scattering lifeless leaves across our paths as we trudged down an old road. The paint lines were thinned and sprayed with curdled blood as we passed what looked like a wreck. The body of what was once a woman grappled at us out her car window. She was still belted in as Remus had insisted we stop. He stuck his knife deep into her skull and she fell against the deflated air bag that had attempted to save her at one point I’m assuming but clearly wasn’t enough. I had raised an eyebrow at the man’s insistence of taking the creature out but when he had caught my eyes he claimed it was only to see if the car was usable. I’m still not convinced it wasn’t some dutiful ‘putting it out of it’s misery’ act but I didn’t push.

  
 The car was no more than a crumpled up piece of metal we found at further inspection and had walked on. The sun is now beginning to set just as we reach what looks to have once been a gas station. The cool air brushes by my face as we stand in front of the broken down pumps left to rot.

  
 “You think we should check? Make sure nothing’s been left we can use in there,” Lily asks. She brushes her fiery hair our of her eyes as she scopes the area around the building, checking for biters lurking on the premises. James shrugs and I send a half nod with little meaning behind it as by the look of this place everything useful is with somebody else by now.  
“Might as well,” Remus nods, “We could all use some thicker clothes it’s getting colder by the day now,” He states and we all seem to silently agree before we move forward, inching our way towards the decomposing building.

  
  The door is cracked off it’s hinges when we approach it and it has a fair amount of blood sprayed across it. I send a questioning look to James who returns a more assured one before entering behind the other two who have already passed through, guns raised in defense. I hold my knife up in a firm grip and behind me I hear James doing the same.  
The store looks as looted as any I’ve seen nowadays and my false hopes fall even deeper at the smashed up cans spread across the floor and the empty shelves. Even the candies by the till were gone.

  
  I ease my way round an aisle to find a body strewn across the blood painted tile. I hold my breath and will myself to walk towards it. Upon assuring it's dead I push my protests to the back of my mind before leaning down and checking the body for anything useful.

  
  I try to withhold the thoughts of how horrendous this whole situation seems. Of me picking through a dead man's clothes in hopes of finding something as simple as a candy bar. The weight of what this world makes us do hits me again as it does as many times as it can as if it's some sick joke the universe likes to play on all of us.  
I breath a deep breath and attempt to regain my composure when I hear footsteps coming down the aisle I'm occupying. My hands feel through the corpse’s pockets and withdraw when all I come across are empty shells and a few gum wrappers.

  
 Honestly I would probably be elated at the gum at this point, I think glumly to myself.

  
 I glance up to find Remus scanning the shelves thoroughly in front of me and I straighten myself into a standing position and step over the body at my feet to join him.  
James’ words linger in my mind as I stand near the man whom I see now is a lot taller than I had originally thought. He gives me a weary look but says nothing as I search through the shelf at his back.

  
 I glance up past the rows to the back where I can see Lily shuffling through the coolers in hopes of finding something fit for drinking. Her attempts look grim though as the entire section seems looted. James is at the front behind the till looking around the section, for what I'm not sure but honestly anything of use would raise all our spirits an embarrassing amount at this point.

  
  
 Lily walks over to us, a few drinks she was able to salvage in hand. Remus and I had less luck than her with only a few packages of bandages and a can of beans. James was able to find a few bags of crisps he thinks are still edible. We stuff our disappointing load into our bags before moving to head out.  
As we pass the till a thought strikes me and I halt the group for a moment as I move behind the counter to grab at the hefty selection of cigarettes exposed there. Just as I’m pulling out a pack of my favorites I hear a deep voice get my attention.

  
 “Hey,” I look up to find Remus staring at me. I worry he’s going to lecture me but instead he gives a motion to the carton and continues, “Think you can grab me a pack?” He asks and my eyebrows shoot up in surprise.  
I send him an awkward nod and ask him what kind. “Reds,” He responds shortly.  
I grab a pack and toss it over the counter. He catches it swiftly before stuffing the package into his pocket. I get out of behind the counter and join the group again briefly stopping to pull out a few lighters from the display section and throw them in my bag.  
We set out through the chilled air with periodic mentions from Lily at how close we are to our destination.

 

  The sun is just above the horizon by the time we reach what looks like the shores of the lake we spotted on the map. The rationed sunlight gleams off the water in it’s own tranquil beauty, unaware to the world around it.

  
 I squint into the bleary light across the lake and scan the shores in hopes to see a shelter.

  
 I suppose our plan wasn't too thought out. They had everything covered, where we were going, how to get there, but they didn't think of what to do when the sun goes away and there's not a building in sight.

  
 I hear a heavy sigh next to me and look over to find Remus with his hand thrown into his curls and a deflated look across his features.

  
 “It's fine, we’ll just keep moving,” Lily assures us. Remus is shaking his head as James voices what we all are thinking.

  
 “We can't be out this late,” He states. Remus’ hands drop to his side and a deep sigh escapes him. A twinge of annoyment flows through me as the two men were so insistent about a plan that wasn't even worth the effort. I bite my lip to keep my thoughts in as my mouth has a way of making situations worse and one look at James tells me he's recommending the same.

  
 “Then we just have to camp here,” Lily sighs. We all seem unsure so she continues, “It's fine, I've done it a lot before. We just need to be on lookout. Besides we have the lake to our backs which is good,” She reasons. I nod at her statement.

  
 “You've done this before?” I ask the girl. She visibly tenses but nods.

  
 “What if a bunch comes by?” James questions.

 “We can run, there's plenty of room to lose them around here,” Remus chimes in.

  
 We all seem in agreement and we move down the bank a bit until the water is close to our backs. I throw my bag down while holding back a wince. I never did wrap up the wound I got on my palm days ago. I had cleaned it that night but the lack of bandages had caused me to go without. It's been routinely opening up in a stinging way of annoying me and I worry at the dirt that seems to inevitably find its way in.

  
 Just as I'm about to sit on the gravelly sand when I hear a deep voice get my attention.

  
 “Hey,” I look up to find Remus motion towards me. My brows furrow in question at him and he answers with a gesture to my hand.

  
 “You need something for that?” He asks lowly and I suddenly remember the few boxes of bandages he had stuffed in his bag.

  
 “Yeah, actually,” I say and a strange feeling settles over me at the way the man is talking so freely to me as though we haven't been biting each other's heads off all day.  
He motions for me to sit near him and I oblige. James is settled near Lily as she gathers a bit of water in a small pot. He glances up at me in surprise and I shoot him a look that mirrors his own.

  
 “Give me your hand,” Remus says lightly once I'm across from him. I raise my palm in his direction as he pulls out a roll of tightly wound bandage cloths from the box.  
He gently grabs my hand and begins winding the cloth around my appendage. His fingers are long and thin, not in the elegant way mine are but in a rough sort. His skin is slightly tanner than my own, though it's not hard to be darker skinned than me. My uncle had me convinced when I was a kid that my whole family were vampires, what with the pale skin and inky black hair. I was so convinced that I had told everyone in my fourth grade class resulting in a long family meeting with the principal as to why I was running around telling my classmates I was cannibalistic.

  
The other boy’s hands slowed a bit when he wound around my cut. He cautiously pulled over it and I was quite thankful as the sting was quite overbearing. _I've felt worse though_ , I think.

  
 “Look,” The man suddenly breaks the silence and I glance up, “I know I've been an ass but so have you… I just… we might be together for a while so let's just try to get along,” He states with a bit of a questioning tone behind it. I'm caught off guard at his sudden apology, if you can call it that, and I'm not quite sure how to respond so I just nod when he looks at me in question.

  
He nods back in a sort of finality and let's out a breath.

  
 “Alright, well… I think you're good,” he says with a motion to my newly bandaged hand. I let out a noise similar to a grunt but probably more awkward and stand to get up with a feeble ‘thanks’.

  
 I turn and walk to where James is sat, boiling the small pot of water over a low embered fire. He nods at me as I sit by his side. I pull my bag behind me and lay back a bit in a lazy sitting position. He turns to me and asks in a hushed tone.

  
 “What was that about?” I close my eyes before shrugging. Based on the huff he gives it isn't a good enough answer.

   
 “He just wrapped up my hand, alright?” I say with a bit of annoyance in my words. At receiving no response I crack an eye open to see James giving me a strange look. “What?” I ask him. He shakes his head and turns back to the water.

  
 “Nothing, it's just this morning he practically pulled a gun on you and now he's playing doctor? Just… I don't know you two are… Something,” I grunt at his comment.

  
 “We're something?” I ask.

  
 “You're weird, that's what you are, okay?” I snort.

  
 “We're not weird,” _yes you are_ , I say to myself, “we're just going to try and get along, okay?” I mock his previous comment. The man raises a brow at me but says no more. Instead he glances up to where Lily and Remus are sat talking a few steps away.  
They seem as comfortable in each other's presence as James and I and I can't help but wonder how long the two have been together. It took no time for me to warm up to the other boy, something that usually takes longer for me to do. I wonder if they've been together since the beginning.  
I glance over to James when he speaks suddenly.

   
 “You don't think they're… You know… together, right?” I snort at his question. A light chuckle escaping me as I answer him.

  
 “Why so interested Jamie?” I ask and he huffs.

  
 “It's not like that!” He defends and I give him a skeptical look, Seriously, I'm just wondering,” I shake my head, a grin still ghosting on my face.  
“Not sure, you should ask,” James lets out a ‘pfft’ noise at that. “What?” I question. He rolls his eyes before responding in a mocking voice.

 “Oh hey people I barely know let alone get along with, do you happen to be shagging each other, asking for scientific purposes of course,” i chuckle at his awkward delusional idea of what is customary to asking if people are ‘shagging each other’.

  
 “Not like that, you prick,” I scoff lightly at him. James shoots me a look but says no more. Even in the dim light of the fire I can see a flush of embarrassment on his cheeks.  
After a few quiet minutes with just the crackling of the embers to break the silence James speaks.

  
 “Do you want to stay, with them I mean,” He asks quietly. I think for a moment, picking my words carefully.

  
 “We might as well I suppose,” I answer. James nods, his eyebrows are scrunched in thought.  
He lets out a deep breath and leans back on his own bag.

  
I look up when I hear the sound of sand moving under someone's boots to find Lily and Remus moving towards us. We both sit up slightly to listen as the girl begins talking through a new plan. 

  
 “We'll stay here tonight and move on tomorrow, we'll just have to walk until we find some place,” she says and I nod at her words.

  
 “I'll take first shift tonight,” I offer and the girl nods.

  
 “You sure you can keep your eyes open for it?” Remus asks but his words hold little malice. I swear I can almost hear a playful note underneath them.  
I snort in response before adding a stubborn ‘I think I can manage’ comment causing the other man to raise an eyebrow at me.  
“I'll take first as well, make sure he stays awake,” Remus concedes before standing and moving back to where his bag is sat.  
Lily glances awkwardly at James and I before pursuing her lips and following Remus’ lead and taking a seat by her own bag.  
I really hope we warm up to each other soon because the amount of tension between us all is becoming uncomfortable. I let out a sigh at the prospect that that may not happen anytime soon.

 

  
 The breeze is soft and cool against my exposed face. I sit staring out at the lake by my feet. The waves are gentle, lapping slowly at the shore. I find myself truly calm for the first time In a long time.

  
 Remus is a few steps away from me, his hands twiddle with the blade of his knife absentmindedly. We haven't spoken a word to each other for the two hours we've been sat here but the air feels a bit different between us, a bit lighter.

  
 I think back to what James had said to me before he turned in. He had said how they have had plenty of chances to kill us and they haven't yet. I nearly scoff to myself but I catch it before it passes my lips. _Yet_ , I think to myself.

  
 I sigh and press my elbows into my bent knees and rest my face in my hands. I suppose James does have a point. They could've killed us any time but they haven't.

 I sneak a glance at Remus. In this light he looks softer but that may just be the fact he doesn't look pissed at me for once.  
I focus in on a large scar I hadn't noticed before, it shines silvery in the moonlight and stretches from just below his ear to under the collar of his jacket.  
I've always found scars rather interesting. They're like a visible memory stretching across our skin. Though I've found from personal experience that the memories don't seem to ever be the ones you wish to remember.

  
 I find myself wondering what memory Remus’ scar tells to him. I find it very amazing the fact that everyone on the planet has a different story, different memories. I never paid much attention to this before the world went to shit, I was too caught up in myself to care but now I find myself more curious about other's lives.  
Honestly it's a bad time to find interest in such a thing as learning someone's life story now a days can be a pretty sad thing to hear.

 I turn away from the other man in favor of glancing up at the star filled sky. I used to know where all of the constellations were and their stories as my family had taught us what they believed was a noble history of our ancestors from a very young age. As I got older though I remember trying as hard as I could to forget them so I could one day look at the night sky without getting a bad taste in my mouth. It hadn't worked though. Still hasn't, I think before turning away from the twinkling sky to press my face against my knees.

  
 I hear the sharp snap of a twig from the woods at my back and my head shoots up. I glance over to find Remus searching the area as well.  
After a few seconds of silence I turn to him and give a light shrug to show my dismissal of the situation.  
Remus shakes his head to symbolize the same before we both turn back to the shimmering water. The moon stares at me blankly through the clouds. I feel the cold light wrapping around me too tight. My heartbeat is picking up for reasons I'm not sure of. The feeling of uneasiness spreads through me and wills my legs to move, to get up and run.  
I breath deeply. There's nothing wrong, I think, nothing's even there. I sigh heavily, the pounding in my chest eases at my self reassurance but my legs shake slightly still.  
My eyes scan the water and the soft crystals that are spread across the surface. I will myself to keep my eyes forward and refrain from turning back and allowing myself to search the area obsessively.

  
 Just as the feeling of calm begins to find its way back to me another crunching noise sounds out causing me to whip around, my heart in my ears.  
Remus catches my eye and motions for me to move closer to him. I follow his command and scoot to his side leaning in when he whispers to. He leans into my ear and tells me in a hushed tone that he's going to check it out. I give him a weary glance but he ignores it, choosing instead to stand slowly.

  
 The feeling of uncertainty fills me once again as Remus makes his way silently to the spat of trees a few meters away.  
He enters the thin forest but stays near the edge. I can still see his back as he searches the area for anything suspicious.  
After what feels like me minutes he emerges unscathed and bearing a confused look. I catch his eye and he shrugs as he breaches the edge of the trees.  
Just as he steps onto the rocky shore a few meters from me I perk up and glance behind him. The dry foliage rustles at Remus’ back and he turns around in time to see a body knock into his own, throwing him to the ground.

  
 My heart is in my throat. Without thinking I leap up and sprint across the shifting sand to the man’s side. He's struggling with the creature. His hands are holding it's rotting shoulders as it grasps for him like a hungry animal lunging after it's prey.

  
 I grasp it's straggly long hair and tug back with all my might. The monster’s head snaps back and it's scalp begins tearing, peeling from its rotted skull. I will myself to hold back the vomit that builds up in me at the sight.

  
 Remus’ hands fly to his side to grab for his blade. He pulls it out swiftly and connects it deep into the monster's soft flesh.  
My hand drops from it's hair. A strange coating is left on my fingers from being tangled in the decomposing strands.  
Lily and James had risen during our struggle and I can now hear them rushing towards us.  
The sounds of their feet are too loud, the smell of the body at my feet is too repulsive. The image of the flesh being torn away from the corpse fills my brain vividly and I can't hold it back any longer.

  
 I keel over and heave. I can vaguely hear Remus shuffle out of the way and to his feet but I'm unable to look as I gag once more.  
I feel a hand resting on my heaving back and I immediately know who it belongs to. James’ hand rubs soothingly over my spine as I swallow thickly and work to catch my breath.  
I can hear Remus explaining the situation to the two of them near me as I'm still doubled over.

  
 My breathing begins to slow and I'm able to stand, wiping my lips and grimacing at the foul taste on my tongue.  
A flush of embarrassment rises inside of me but I hold it down and turn to the others.

  
 Lily turns to me and purses her lips in something resembling a smile but with a lot more nerves behind it.  
 “You okay?” She asks in a kind tone and I nod reassuringly. “Thanks,” She continues, “For… for Remus,” I swallow and shake my head.

  
 “I mean… yeah of course…” I manage to get out through the burning in my throat.

  
 “We should head back, the sun will be up soon anyway, it's our turn to guard,” James interjects quietly with a motion to the girl at the last part.  
As we move to head back to our make shift camp Remus catches my eye. I stare into the deep Amber in questioning and he gives me a thankful nod that I return.

 

 I roll over to my back. The stars are there, same as always and I relax slightly. I blink sleepily as my heartbeat finally calms down a bit. James and Lily are sat talking quietly a few meters away and Remus is curled up steps away from me. A strange feeling is in my chest that I can't quite decipher.  
It's a strange warmth I've felt very few times before but it's laced with something. A thread of dread is mixed in. Deep, painful dread that desperately pushes against my heart. I recognize this feeling much easier.

  
 I squeeze my eyes closed and will myself to try and sleep even a bit tonight.  
Some people say hope is dangerous, I'm not too sure. Hope gets you through the day and the bad times. Fear on the other hand, fear is the dangerous one. Fear keeps you trapped in the darkest cage of your mind. It eats away at you slowly until it's all you can feel. It kills you from the inside out. It's the most evil thing in my opinion, it's silent in its action. It has no intention beyond slowly rotting your emotions. It is nothing yet it is everything. That's why it is dangerous, it has no purpose but to watch you burn.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it through this I hope you enjoyed it! Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> My tumblr is retiredvoldemort :)


	7. Of friendship and Morbid Curiosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gods this is so late and so short I am sorry. I hope you enjoy it though and if it helps I have a lot of the next chapter written so you shouldn't have to wait so long next time. But hey I say that every chapter so...

  
_The hazy summer sun blearily moves across the sky. The air is thick with impending rain and a soft breeze pushes through it. My newly trimmed hair falls against my eyes and I reach up to brush it away._

  
_I huff at how short it is now. Mother had lost it last night in one of her spells, the awful ones that cause her to screech like a banshee and break the wine glasses. She had finally gotten fed up with the length of my hair as it had been nearing my shoulders. She had gone oddly silent, the kind of silent that makes my skin crawl, before walking to the kitchen only to come back a few moments later with a pair of shears clutched in her hand._

  
_I had fought against her, tipping over the chair in my haste to get away but she had given me the look, the look that I knew meant it would only get worse for me if I didn't obey now. So I sat as she grabbed roughly at chunks of my hair and snipped them off while tears ran down my cheeks. She didn't care about those, though. All the time she was spitting out horrid words in her anger. All was left of my once silky strands were choppy layers._

  
_I'm not too sure why my hair was so important to me. I suppose it was a way of being myself. But me being myself never sat well with my parents._

  
_My uncle had assured me that it would get easier as I grew older, when they couldn't control me as well, but with my twelfth birthday nearing closer I still have yet to notice a difference._

  
_I hear my mother let out a polite laugh, the only one I've heard her use, and I glance up to see her tight smile stretched across the features that look so like my own. Her slender fingers tap on her wine glass that rests carelessly upon the stone table top of the patio furniture that resides in our back yard._

  
_My father is sat next to her, the same morbid grin is plastered carefully on his own face. They seem to be listening intently to something the man near me was going on about. They had said he was a family friend though I don't recall ever having seen this person before today unlike most of the people we know. Our family is expected at boring galas and parties all the time and we must sit and be good and talk polite with said acquaintances._

  
_I've never understood this. My parents don't even enjoy them, it's as if they go just to be seen. The stuffy air and the starched robes are more than horrid for me not to mention the people with their diamonds and gold watches leaning over to pinch my cheeks as if I were five and crooning about how handsome I am with breath that reeks of Chardené._

_I glance up to see my mother staring at me. She did share much of my features, the silky black hair that curled around her pointed cheekbones. Her thin face and red lips that seem forever in a pout. But her eyes, her eyes are where we split. The stormy grey of mine is mirrored on her own as such with all of our relatives, but her’s are missing something. The small sparkle that show she’s alive. The definable happiness that I've never seen her’s show._

  
_Her pointed gaze narrows in and I feel my chest tighten. Her cold eyes bore into me as the rest of the world seems to fade. Her lips curve into a sickening smile that causes me to squirm only to realize I can't. She pushes her chair back and moves to stand. I struggle to scream but my cries go unheard. She makes her way to me, the unearthly gaze still on her face._

  
_I struggle to move away as she stops in front of me but my body seems paralyzed. She kneels down so her eyes find my own. The hollow orbs hold a hint of sick amusement before a fear enters them. A panic covers her features before she opens her mouth._

  
_“Siri!” She screams in a voice I try and forget, “Help me! Help!” She screeches out before breaking into a sick cackle._

~

I wake with a start. My eyes fly open and move to search around me only to find one sleeping body a few feet away and two sat on near the water.

  
The crude laugh still echoes in my ears as I settle in once again. My eyes remain open and a chill runs through me. The feeling of darkness and bare fear, the fear where you feel the need to check over your shoulders crawls up my spine.  
I find myself gazing at the star lit sky once again and I feel the daze of sleeplessness draw on my subconscious.

  
The strange thing is I would give anything to go back there, to relive those moments that forever haunt me just to find peace from this world.

  
My eyes fight their way closed and I eventually let them. I soon find my hazy mind slowing into a fitful sleep.

\--

“We should move on today,” Lily says as she sits near Remus who is boiling a tin of lake water. We all nod in agreement at the idea before James and Remus move into creating a plan.

  
_A plan_ , I think, _why do we always need a plan? They haven't worked yet!_ I silently complain as we all settle closer to the fire, the air is growing crisper and I clench to stop the shivers that roll through my body.

  
James holds out a spoon and a can of soup in my direction and I gratefully take it.

  
The others stuff their own breakfasts between words.

  
“I'm pretty sure there's a hospital near the interstate,” Remus says with his finger running up the lines of the map. “We could check for supplies, we don't have much for medical stuff,”

  
“Hospitals, there's gonna be a lot of walkers there. After everything happened and people got bit they all went to hospitals thinking they could get better,” I retort. Remus glances at me consideringly.

“If we could get the supplies though it might be worth it, we really need some, we're nearly out of disinfectant and with winter coming we could use all the medicine we can find,” Lily pipes up from across the fire. James nods before adding.

  
“I think she's right, we can't pass up the opportunity,” He says.

  
“Isn't it in a city?” I ask, “Most hospitals are right in the center of towns, it's going to be hard getting through,” Remus nods at my statement and seems to study the map.

  
“It's on the very edge of one, almost at the entrance, we should be okay I suppose, we'll have to watch while we're in there, though,” He says and we all seem to agree.

  
I glance out at the lazy water moving near us. A thin layer of ice crowns the edges of the lake. I almost wish we could stay, I know it's essential to move and all but the water is so clean as opposed to the dirt and grime that is layered on the rest of the world. It's refreshing I guess, to see something that has remained untouched by the death and decay that covers everything else.

\---

I push my hands deeper in my woolen pockets willing them to heat up. Even with the sun at our backs the chill surrounds us sharply.

  
I remember, back when I was a kid, winter was always my favorite. The snow that covered the streets of London looked out of a children's book as I would sit on the window seat gazing out at it. The lights were hung and the house was warm, even my parents seemed to be in better spirits as the months went on.

  
I silently wish for those days as I attempt to pull my jacket a bit tighter. The chill on my cheeks is a painful reminder of the fact that there are no more warm homes, lit up for the holidays. Fires won't be blazing in the den. My brother won't be sitting by my side as we stare in awe at the first snow.

  
I try not to think too hard about that last part as we reach an intersection. Lily is squinting down at the map. She nods to herself before pointing left with a quick ‘it's that way’.

  
I look around at what I suppose I could start calling ‘my group’. Remus and Lily are stood next to each other as it always seems. James is a few steps ahead of me, his hands deep in his pockets as well.

  
I don't know what I think of them, I guess it's such a strange situation to decipher, I hardly doubt I could call Remus and Lily friends, could I even call James that? I'm not entirely sure what I would call him other than my friend. Acquaintance, fellow walker slayer, apocalyptic partner? It's almost strange to me to call someone my ‘friend’ when we met over a dead body.

  
“We should be there in a few minutes,” I hear Lily call back to us.

  
As for the other two, I suppose I don't dislike them, I just don't know what to make of them. Remus seems to have too many walls up, though he probably has reasons for it, reasons I most likely will never find out.

  
Lily, she seems nice, fair, and I suppose I trust her. Hell I guess I even trust Remus.

  
I'm not really sure what made me so relaxed around them, especially as fast as I did. I guess they just didn't feel like a threat to me, at least not after a few days together. I find it funny how in the time when I should trust people the least I inadvertently find myself trusting them more.

  
I remember reading somewhere that the most lonely people are the ones to trust quickest. It has something to do with the need for close relationships. You feel so alone in yourself that you would open up to total strangers, leaving yourself exposed, just to feel as if you have someone.

  
I guess it makes sense, I just can't see how I could let myself get close to that point. To trust my life in other's hands, people I know nothing about. I suppose it's all a part of this world, the need for protection and companionship grows stronger the longer this all goes on.  
A strong breeze of icy air pushes against us and I dip my head down, my eyes watering painfully.

  
I glance up to find I've fallen a bit behind the others and I speed up a bit to fall in place next to James.

  
The other man has his nose buried in his jacket collar and is noticeably shaking. I silently will the trip to move faster or the air to heat up as I don't know how much more any of us can take of this. One look at Remus and Lily says the same, the girl with her jacket hood up and her arms wrapped tight around herself and the man with his head bowed away from the wind and his shoulders clenched up.

  
I hope with everything I've got anymore that we find something warmer to wear soon as I don't plan on losing any toes anytime soon and at this rate it seems like a viable possibility.

\--  
  
The morbid curiosity I seem to hold somewhere deep inside me seems to thrive now. The way the surrounding earth is left to rot entrances me at times. Buildings where people once visited crumble and fall and streets that strangers once passed on are now caked with their remains.

  
The malicious beauty is almost overwhelming. The strange fact is that once, not too long ago, this world was filled with life bustling across it. People caring no mind to anything other than their next appointment and the pay they got at the end of the week.

  
The decrepit irony is almost sickening as much as it is horridly amusing.  
The streets surrounding the hospital that once held the souls of the newly born and the freshly dead are crowded. Crowded by those who once worked here, died here, and maybe even took their first breath here.

  
The disheveled building stands a few yards away from where we are crouched. The crawling bodies of the dead surrounding the streets.

  
The entrance looks to be clear enough, though the state of the inside is a mystery.

  
I glance over to the people at my side. James is next to me with his gun clenched at his side. Remus is peering over the barrier we are hidden behind, surveying the path to the hospital and Lily is kneeling by his side.

  
The thick moans of the monsters echo through the icy air as Remus sends a nod our way. We all take the signal and pull ourselves up, silently we move out from our shielded spot.

  
My heart speeds up at the feeling of vulnerableness that floods through me when the sight of the creatures become clearer. We sprint as quietly as we can manage in the direction of the doors.  
Lily is leading the way, gun raised as a few of the corpses begin to notice our presence. The rest of us follow, I will myself not to run as fast as I can like my body is telling me to.

  
The monsters begin following us, smelling our fresh blood, closing in as fast as their dragging feet can take them.  
The large doors become clearer and something a deep red catches my eye.

  
Across the metal doors reads ‘there is no more hope’ in what I can only hope is paint.

  
I try my best not to think of who could have written those words and the meanings they hold as we edge closer to them.

  
The putrid smell of melded corpses surrounds us thickly and I try to keep myself calm.

  
The bodies are close behind us when Lily throws open the door. James is close behind and holds his gun out before disappearing into the dark entrance.

  
Remus follows close behind and Lily next as I grab the door and pull it swiftly behind me, the creatures grapple at me as I shut it on them before they could reach inside. The sound of bodies hitting the thick door is loud as I take a moment to catch my breath.

  
The next sound I hear drains it all away once more though as a gruesome scream echoes through the darkened halls and a brutal reminder of the sick humor the world holds hits me again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated so feel free to leave them 
> 
> My tumblr is retiredvoldemort:)


End file.
